i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
