I need help removing her.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
