my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
