ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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