woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
