You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
