Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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