i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I touched a dick in church today
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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