One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
