birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
