Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
