At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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