Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
