WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
