I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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