the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
operation harelip BJ is a go
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
