i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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