Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
