Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
