So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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