Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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