We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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