so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
