I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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