this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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