They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
