I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
