My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
