Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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