I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
