Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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