Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
