i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
