Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
where are you?
Hypothermia
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
