I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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