People in love make me want to vomit
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
