There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I will pee on everything he values.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
