you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
love makes seman taste better
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
