He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
