I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
