I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I got inside last night via doggy door
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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