Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
