You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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