just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
