have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
