Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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