I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
