I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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