the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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