I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
