ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
